Schizoaffective Community

zigzag1977 @ 07:54 am: after 3 years of wellness things..get bad
Hello-I haven't written in awhile, basically because things were going well for such a long time. My coping skills are out pratice and I have been up for 24 hours straight. The voices are bad. I spend hours just paying attention to them like they have some hidden meaning. Some secret I have yet to discover about my self. They are very cruel. They are trying to say i'm in trouble with the law and going to be thrown out of my apartment.

I've been doing writing therapy and this sza group I thought would help but it seems no one is around.

I have noticed that when emotions are at the highest or lowest is when they creep in. That is what is so awful you can be so happy and in they crawl to ruin everything.

Does anyone know how best to deal with this?

bankzine @ 05:27 pm: I'm still getting word salad.

bankzine @ 12:22 am: this is not an emergency
I've been reading Dr. Low's Mental Health through Will-Training.  And there was a section in it about how muscles can be commanded to do what you fear and hate to do.  There was another part about how symptoms are distressing, but not dangerous.  When I first started getting word salad and laughing and crying, I got panicky.  I panicked that something was seriously wrong and maybe I would die.  But this book says that if I get symptoms, it's not an emergency.  It's actually average to have symptoms because other people have symptoms too.  I think that when I get symptoms, I just need to remind myself that it's not an emergency.  I don't like to tell other people when I have symptoms because I don't want them to freak out.  Like my parents.  When I have bad symptoms and I tell my parents, they still tend to freak out.

desertrosedark @ 10:25 pm: Off my antipsychotic and actually doing okay
I ran out of my Invega last week, and shivered and went wacko for a few days with withdrawal symptoms. I'm still a little shaky, but I'm not having any psychotic symptoms. I'm not hallucinating, I'm not paranoid, I'm actually doing okay.

I'm thinking about staying off it, since I seem to be doing okay without it.

desertrosedark @ 01:11 pm: Mental word salad and emotional excitement
Has anybody ever noticed that their symptoms act up when their emotions are running high?

I have a sort of "mental word salad" problem, by which I mean either nonsense words or random but nonsensical sequences of real words but only in my head. I guess I have enough of a thought-to-speech filter that the "mental word salad" never makes it into speech. And it seems like I have more trouble with it when my emotions are running high, for good or ill.

For example, today, I'm expecting a visit from my mom which will bring good things. She's bringing over some nice things for me that she and my stepdad no longer want but are still in good order, and she's going to give me the money to pay my guitar out of layaway as an early birthday present. So I'm not upset, but I'm excited.

It just seems like the symptoms get worse when my emotions are stirred up. Does anybody else experience this?

bankzine @ 04:16 pm: I feel lonely and depressed.  Me and my girlfriend broke up.  And I think I've actually felt worse as the time has gone on.  Aren't these sorts of things supposed to get better with time?  And plus the winter is coming.  So it's going to be dark for the next four months.  And cold.  I don't think I even want to be happy.  I just want to sit in my room and cry and sleep.

mskit @ 07:50 pm: Dynamite Duo
I'm sick, again. Whenever I get sick with anything physical (upper respiratory infection, uti, tonsillitis, etc.) my SZA acts up. My paranoia about others gets worse. I start to take most things that people do and say as some sort of antagonistic behavior towards myself. It's more draining than being sick and it inevitably screws up my life. It doesn't help that the anti-biotics I have to take to get better, temporarily stops my medications from working. Cue the frustration. I'm very fortunate to have such an understanding family and an understanding boyfriend.
Only, this time I'm finding that my personality disorder is also worsening. I am going to see my psych doc in a couple of weeks to see what medications we can move around to help smooth things over.
I was just wondering if anyone has experience with SZA combined with personality disorders? What things have you found help? I know what things to avoid to keep from triggering my paranoia, but I don't know what to do to keep my personality disorders from cycling.
Any help would be wonderful.

bankzine @ 01:01 pm: This webpage has been quiet lately.

I went to my DBSA group this week.  It's at a local Psychiatric Hospital.  And the hospital has a museum that I saw when I was waiting for the group.  And they have a real BRAIN in a jar in the museum.  It was so weird.  I've never seen a real brain in real life.  It's smaller than I though it would be.

I've been better lately.  But I'm always afraid that I will get worse.  Me and my ex-girlfriend broke up.  So that sucked.  But other than that, I've been ok.  I have a hard time keeping track of my moods.

bankzine @ 05:57 pm: I went to a religious group last night.  And one of the ladies in my group talked about how her boyfriend's ex-wife has mental illness and how she is such a horrible person.  It made me feel really uncomfortable that the lady from my group was talking about this person and her mental illness.  I got up and said, "I'm tired.  I think I'm going to go."  And the lady from my group kept talking.  She made me feel so uncomfortable that I just left.

I did not tell anyone in my religious group about my mental health.  But after the way, the lady from my group was talking, I don't think they would be very accepting of my disclosure.

It's sad and surprising because I have other friends and family who are so much more supportive.  It just surprises me when I meet people who have such a fear of mental illness and people with mental illness.  It's sad.

bankzine @ 05:53 pm: GlaxoKlineSmith just sent me a promotional package with a camera (for me to take pictures of my new happy life) and $150 in discounts off brand Lamictal.  Which is cool, but I wish they gave it to me when I was taking Lamictal.  Now that I take the generic, it's cheaper taking the generic Lamotrigine rather than the brand Lamictal.  Way to go GlaxoClineSmith!